This is not unusual, however it is a challenge because you want to be honest with your kids.
So, if your ex does have a new partner, is it your responsibility to tell your child?
Are friends and family offering up all kinds of confusing divorce advice on this?
I believe that you are not the one responsible to tell your children about your ex’s new partner. That is the other parents role.
There are always exceptions however, times when you do have a responsibility.
Here are some things to keep in mind.
- Details of the other relationship are best explained by the other parent.
- Explain to your child that there may be new people coming into their lives.
- Have an agreement with your ex on how they will introduce their new partner.
Firstly, if your child asks you directly about the other parents relationship with someone new, you can let them know that that is a good question, but they really should ask the other parent for understanding.
Encourage your child to talk to the other parent so that they can hear it from them directly, not from you. It’s an opportunity for discussion between them about relationships.
Secondly, discuss with your child now that your mom and dad are divorced, that there probably will be new people coming into their lives.
Explain how once parents divorce they tend to go out and meet new friends and go out with old friends and that there may be new people that come into their life. Although it may not be something that is happening right now, it is something that could happen in the future.
By having this discussion, you lay the groundwork down for your child in advance.
Thirdly, make sure you talk to your ex and encourage them that if there is a new partner in their life, that they have a plan on how they’re going to share that information with your child and when.
Remember it’s critical, even though you or your ex may have somebody else in your life, it doesn’t mean that that person has to become part of your child’s life, especially early on.
It doesn’t have to be a family type relationship right away.
You need to allow for the journey of healing and simultaneously you might be building a new relationship with somebody else but that is private and should be on your own time, not on your child’s time.
A great book on children and divorce to discuss with your kids is the book I authored specifically for this purpose. You can get your copy of Felicia’s Family Divorces here.
Dr. SueAnne Magyar-Hill
Support System Inc.
PS: For loyal site visitors like you and while my supply of my book Felicia’s Family Divorces lasts, I am discounting it 50%, autographing it, and offering FREE Shipping.
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Divorce Advice: What if your ex has a new partner?