Children and Divorce |

September 28, 2010

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Visitation, Easing The Childs Transition Between Parents After Divorce

Visitation, Easing The Child’s Transition Between Parents After Divorce.

How have the transitions for your child between two parents and two homes been going?

There are ways to help make visitation and transition for your child a positive experience.

When both parents are sharing having the child come to visit between two different homes, many children who are younger and not driving themselves. This means parents often have to meet or pick up their child at another location.

For many kids these moments of transition from one parent to another can be anxiety provoking and uncomfortable.

To make it easier for both parents as well as the child, here are some ideas.

  • Meet on neutral ground
  • Greet the other parent
  • Positive send off
  • Positive return

Meet the other parent on neutral ground.
Meeting the other parent at a neutral location vs meeting at one house or another helps the child go from one parents hands into another.

A neutral ground should be a location that feels familiar and safe to the child. It can be anywhere from a fast food restaurant to their school parking lot.

Greet the other parent.
When you meet at locations like these, be sure to get out of your car and walk your child towards the other parents car so you are actually handing them off from you to the other parent.

As you are approaching the other parent, greet them, say “Hello, how are you” or something that is neutral and kind so that your child hears you communicating nicely to the other parent.

Make it a positive send off.
Give your child a hug, a kiss and a smile so they know it’s okay to be received by the other parent.

As you do this make sure your non-verbal language matches your words so it’s loving and supportive and your child feels good about leaving you and saying hello to the other parent.

It only takes a minute or two for this transition but the minute or two will make a huge impact in allowing the child to feel comfortable going back and forth between parents.

Make it a positive return.
When your child is returning back to you, remember to do these things to receive them back.

In support…

Dr. SueAnne Magyar-Hill

Author of Felicia’s Family Divorces

Support System Inc.

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Visitation, Easing The Childs Transition Between Parents After Divorce

Children and Divorce |

September 21, 2010

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Having Fun With Your Children During Divorce

Having Fun With Your Children During Divorce

Are you remembering to have fun?

During a divorce, there are a lot of to-do’s and there is a lot of juggling taking place. There can also be a lot of heaviness metaphorically in the physical house as well as in the emotional houses of both parents and children.

Carrying that kind of weight on your shoulders and on your hearts can be a very heavy burden. You need to remind yourself often; “You know what, we need to take a break. We need to have some fun.”

Making time to have fun for both yourself and your children is very important.

You do this by role modeling.

For example: Have a night called “Tornado Night” where you’re not going to do any housework, you’re not going to cook any meals, and you’re going to eat whatever you want from the cupboards or order carry-out.

On this night, everyone gets to simply do whatever they want, whether it’s board games, video games, movies, reading magazines or having a friend over. You just declare it a fun night!

When you do this with your children they will see that you are embracing it, and that it’s okay to have laughter, have friends over, and just to be silly rather than it always being kind of somber.

For all of you, it’s a break from deep discussions surrounding the divorce. Yes, there are times for deep conversations with your children about the divorce but there also needs to be time for light shoulders, laughter and fun.

Focus on you. Take some time out for yourself to have some fun. Go to a movie or just have a fun conversation with the neighbor or a friend.

Focus on your children. Make sure that your kids are making time to just have fun, or help them mark off time so that they’re having fun times with their friends and both of their parents.

Remember, you’re the number one role model for your children. They will see, hear and model the way you deal with this transition of divorce.

So take breaks to have some fun during the weeks and months ahead in this chapter of your lives. It will lighten the load for both yourself and for your children:)

Dr. SueAnne Magyar-Hill
Support System Inc.

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Having Fun With Your Children During Divorce