Children and Divorce |

January 26, 2011

Divorce Tips: When Can I Date Again?

Once you and your partner are no longer married, it may be time to consider dating and networking again.

Here are some divorce tips for healthy boundaries as it relates to your children.

Socialize away from home.
Don’t introduce new friends to your children too early.
Don’t leave your child home alone more than once a week for networking.
Don’t talk to new prospective dates on the phone in front of your children.
Do tell your children you are going out to meet friends.

Socialize away from home.

As you begin to date, don’t expose your children to the new dating prospect in your home right away. Your home is a sacred space. Give it time.

Don’t introduce new friends to your children right away.

You are just beginning to date for the first time since you were married. You may meet many new friends before Mr or Mrs Right appears. Save your kids from early exposure to people that may not be a good fit.

Don’t let your child be home alone more than once a week for networking.

Dating is a new behavior and divorce means a new start for a family. Don’t let your kids feel a loss of You. Help them understand that your friends are important to you and you do need some time with them.

Don’t talk to new prospective dates on the phone in front of your children.

Keep your conversations private. Your children may be very sensitive and have a heightened awareness to your conversations. They may wonder who you are talking to. Avoid this to keep the anxiety down.

Be open and do tell your children when you are going out to meet friends.

Having friends is important. Let your children know you are meeting new friends and you may be a little nervous about it. Your openness will teach them to be open with you.

The key is to allow yourself to network and date once your marriage is final and always be sensitive to your children’s feelings and needs as you do.

In support…

Dr. SueAnne Magyar-Hill

Founder of Empowering Children Of Divorce
EmpoweringChildrenOfDivorce.com

P.S. Do you like Secret Missions? How about personal challenges?

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Divorce Tips: When Can I Date Again?

Children and Divorce |

October 6, 2010

| by SueAnne Magyar-Hill, Psy.D.

Have You Asked For Help With Your Children Since The Divorce?

Many parents I work with have difficulty asking for and receiving help.

Now that you are parenting solo, your work has just compounded. You need extra hands, an extra set of eyes, and maybe an extra set of car keys to get done all that needs to get done for your children.

It can be difficult to maintain balance with your children through divorce and you can feel like your running around without enough time in the day. Now is the time to learn to ask for and receive help from those that love and support you.

So, have you been asking for help?

You can start receiving help now by:

Giving yourself permission to ask.
Reaching out to let loved ones know you need help.
Allowing them to experience the joy of helping.

First off you need to give yourself permission to ask. You may feel you are expressing weakness by asking for help but the truth is that it takes a strong person to recognize that they cannot do it all. It’s time now to ask.

Then, by reaching out to loved ones, your parents, sisters, brothers, cousins, and friends who know you’ve been going through a difficult time, you’ll allow them to step forward and help you.

Allowing them to help you is like giving them a gift. People love to help and make a difference for others. They have been waiting patiently for you to ask. You now open the door for them to experience that.

Reach out your hand and let them know that you need them to be a driver, or make a meal, or pick up one of your children. They will love participating and helping you with your children during this difficult time.

By asking for help, your are also sending a message to your children that these loved ones, this extended family, and all these people that have been part of your lives will continue to be part of your lives even though mom and dad are no longer living together or married.

Asking and receiving support from your loved ones can go a long way and it’s definitely the time in your life to reach out for it and to accept it. It’s good for them, it’s good for you and it’s good for your children suffering the effects of separation and divorce.

It’s time to ask.

You’ll also want to learn the Five Critical Commitments you can make today that will empower your child before, during and after divorce.

In support…

Dr. SueAnne Magyar-Hill
Support System Inc.

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Have You Asked For Help With Your Children Since The Divorce?

Children and Divorce |

September 13, 2010

| by SueAnne Magyar-Hill, Psy.D.

Arguing In Front Of The Children During Divorce

Arguing In Front Of The Children During Divorce

Hello this is Dr. SueAnne Magyar-Hill and I’m putting out a thought for you today to be very aware not to argue with your ex-spouse in front of your children, or even around your children through the divorce.

By now, it’s likely that the news of the divorce has been broken and the transition of having two homes and the family shifting is taking place. So what’s happening at this time for your children as well as yourself is that there can be a state of heightened sensitivity.

Senses are peaked, so we hear things we usually don’t hear, see things we usually don’t see, and feel things that we usually don’t feel. All of our senses are very keen and heightened.

For example, you might be frustrated with your partner about something as simple as shuttling your children from one point to another. At that moment, there could be a snarl or a rolling of the eyes, or even some verbal words communicated. Your kids are tuned in and are going to pick up on that.

They will take your reaction and silently carry it with them. They might not speak it, but they will feel it and hold onto it.

So for your own health and for the health of your children in this transitional time, be very clear, concise and aware of what needs to be communicated to your ex and how it is communicated.

I have found that many times parents benefit by emailing, texting, or writing things down for each other. Because the non-verbal part of the communications are not being expressed, the emotional reactions are minimized and then the communication is clearer and the space is clearer for you, your ex-spouse, and your children.

Again, the vision and the message today is to avoid arguing. You are breaking that cycle, that negative energy. You are ridding that from your house, your emotional house as well as your physical house.

By being very conscientious of what is expressed in front of your children, your children won’t have to carry any extra emotional weight.

So be aware of this today and every day as you move forward on this journey.

In support…

Dr. SueAnne Magyar-Hill
Support System Inc.

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Arguing In Front Of The Children During Divorce